night cap

tonight

I was looking in the mirror for a long time

listening to the tv

fingertips swimming in the waves of the time

I spent remembering things

like when I was an insomniac at the age of 5

I woke my parents up every single night

one night my dad locked me in the bathroom

I told him that I would rather die

I listened to him cry outside

such a lullaby

oh that feeling of victory

and one evening

so, I chopped up some onions

of course I remembered couple of onion chopping tricks

but it wouldn't have helped

believe me

it wouldn't have helped

but at least I had an excuse

, when I was light watching

in her bedroom

she couldn't do anything knowing that the time is passing by regardless of what we are doing

things went out of control for her

for days she sat in her room with her lights off, light watching,

time watching,

staring right at her enemy's eyes,

defeated

I couldn't think of anything good to convince her,

so I just stopped thinking

sometimes you just have to stop thinking to stay alive

what was worse than the light

were shadows, busy busy busy

so I stood up and handed myself a pair of scissors

sharp enough, I thought.

my fingers danced back and forth, orbits

and what was part of me was not mine anymore

so easy so graceful

loss can be

sometimes